she's a lady

My darling love is the most exquisite thing that has happened to me since some dude invented soft toilet paper.

I will not hear a word said against her for her honour is mine to defend and other foofy romantic crap like that.

BUT.

She kicked me out of the bed last night. I mean literally, with an ingenius combination of foot- and arm- action, the woman who is the heart, soul and center of the happiness in my life managed to kick me, a fat bastard who is a whole 30% heavier than her, off the god-damned bed. All the while sleeping the deep, drooling, snoring sleep of the sinless. No amount of dodging, weaving or general athletics (hah!) could prevent the inevitable.

Truly, my kung-fu is not worthy.